Installing Wife 1.0

A few days ago, I have received an email from a friend (actually a chain letter) about wife and stuff like that. I found it very funny (but true) so I share it with you.

girl-friend-10

This is the complaint email:

INSTALLING WIFE 1.0

Subject: Wife 1.0

To: Technical Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed
that the new program began unexpected child processing that
took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of
this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In
addition, Wife1.0 installs itself into all other programs and
launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other
system activity.

Applications such as Pokernight 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5
and Monday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system
whenever selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the
background while attempting to run some of my other favorite
applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0,
but the un-install for Wife 1.0 does not work.

Can you help me, please!!!

Thanks,

Lord Joe Nevanen
Mission, TX

And the Support Representative’s reply:

Dear Lord Joseph:

This is a very common problem male employees complain
about, but it is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many
people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that
Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT
program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and
designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you
would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to
Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would
cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained.

It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files
from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend
7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried
to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more
problems than the original system.

Look in your help files under “Warnings-Alimony/Child
Support”. I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with
the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also
suggest you read the entire section regarding General
Partnership Faults(GPFs). You must assume all
responsibility for faults and problems that might
occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be
to enter the DOS-command

C:\APOLOGIZE or click the I’M SORRY! Icon for Macintosh
systems. In any case avoid excessive use of the Esc key because
ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE/SORRY
command before the operating system will return to normal. The
system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all
the GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high
maintenance.

Consider buying additional software to improve the performance
of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0.
DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short
Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is
likely to cause irreversible damage to YOUR hardware.

Best of luck.

There you go guys! So before you ever install Wife 1.0 please make sure you really mean it. It is not like a free / open source software that you can download and install for testing. You’ll gonna have to deal with it for the rest of your life.

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